Lessons Learned

I think I prepared for parenthood as well as I possibly could, but I get caught off guard almost daily by things that I never really understood before. Here's 10 of them.

1. How much babies get sick. Since September or so David has been sick ALL OF THE TIME. I've lost count of how many colds and coughs he's had so far. Apparently this is normal once they start spending time around other kids which for David is his 2 days a week at the babysitter's plus at the gym daycare. Some other mom's have assured me that since he's building up his immunity now it won't be as bad when he starts preschool which I really hope is true.
2. Stay-at-home moms don't have any more time to do housework than working ones. I'm not really sure where I fit in the whole working vs stay-at-home mom spectrum. Seeing as I only work 2 days a week I get a little taste of both. It has shocked me to learn that it's much easier to keep the house clean on days that I work even though I spend less time cleaning. Why? Because no one is there to mess it up while I'm at work.
3. The worst part of being a working mom is arranging childcare. Pre-David I naively assumed that the hardest part about working and having a kid would be not having enough time to manage things at home. Yet as I stated earlier, this is not the case. Interviewing and hiring a babysitter is a pain. Finding someone willing to do part-time or off-hours is really a pain. Having your babysitter quit is also a pain. And having to line up 3 sitters in less than a year is a big, fat pain.
4. Lining up a sitter is only the beginning of the pain of childcare. If your child is even mildly sick you cannot expose the other children so you must stay home. If the babysitter or her child is sick you still have to stay home. However if you are sick you must still go to work because you have used up all your sick time on other people.
5. It is quarter to 5:00. You should have finished with your last patient at 4:00 but she needs much more than you thought and you are the only one there to help. If you leave you abandon a patient in need but your babysitter needs to be somewhere at 5:30. Your husband could leave work a little early but he's still an hour away. Can you see why childcare really is the WORST part of being a working parent?
6. Pre-pregnancy weight and pre-pregnancy size are 2 very different topics. I've lost all my pregnancy weight plus another 5 lbs but I still can't wear my skinny jeans from before and no amount of sit-ups can control that extra tummy flab.
7. Mom cliques would put junior high students to shame. I spent a good part of last summer taking David to the park being shunned by the other moms that gather there. David was too young. I was too old (around here the average first-time mom is several years younger than me). Sorry, our playgroup's getting too big... And don't even get me started on the (not so) great mommy wars surrounding every parenting decision from organic foods to carseat types.
   
8. Parenting books make problems like sleep issues and discipline sound very simple and straightforward. They are wrong. Very, VERY wrong.
9. Without even asking for it I have accumulated enough advice to last me for a lifetime, well-balanced advice too. Every time I get told I do too much of one thing someone else chimes in that I don't do it near enough. I don't think I've ever gotten advice that hasn't been contradicted by someone else. It's also wonderful how even complete strangers are willing to help me out in this regard.
10. Sleeping through the night is a process that takes YEARS. Obviously I had some idea that newborns are not famous for giving parents lots of shut eye. Yet I was under the distinct impression that after those first rough months of nighttime feedings that babies then learn to sleep through the night and problem solved. Well technically that is true. But then a week later something throws off your schedule and you start over. And over. And over. And over. Sickness, vacations, missed naps, sleeping in the car, bad dreams, not getting to bed on time, growth spurts and about a billion other things can set you back for several days to a week.
    

Auld Lang Syne

As I reflect back on this past year I realize that in one sense not much has happened. Derek started a new job of course and I dropped my hours to part-time, but mostly we have stayed close to home and taken great lengths not to veer too much from our day-to-day routine. No exotic vacations or great adventures to report, and since David was born at the end of 2008 no new babies either.

In another sense though this was the year that everything was new. Or at least because we (our little family) is so new everything else is too. Each day and everything contains some new discovery, some milestone and some first. First foods, first steps, and first words. David's first Spring, Summer, and Fall, and in a way mine too. After all, David is not the only one of us to learn and grow. Happy New Year and best wishes to all for 2010.

What's That?

David may not say much but he says it A LOT. Just this past week he's started pointing to everything in sight and asking "What's that?" So far it's the only thing he's ever said consistently, but he does it at upward of a hundred times a day. I think I've told him what a Christmas tree is somewhere around a billion times. The ironic part is that I've completely brought this on myself. I hadn't realized until now how much during the day I say to him, "David, what's that? Is that a yellow block (or something similar)?" I was hoping that doing so would teach him new words, but it didn't exactly work out as planned.

Happy Holidays

Whew, this holiday season has been fun, but hectic. Now that it's almost over I'm looking forward to relaxing a bit. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. My sister and here family were here this year and we enjoyed being able to see them a little bit (unfortunately no pictures though) before we left ourselves to be with Derek's family in Pennsylvania. While the flights out and back could have gone worse, they definitely weren't much fun for any of us. Now that David's walking he has little interest in sitting in our laps but he's still too little to be distracted by anything for more than a few minutes. Also because most airlines now charge for checked bags we had to pack all of our stuff plus Christmas gifts into our carry-ons and only 1 checked suitcase. The logistics of packing Christmas onto an airplane and flying it across country means we probably won't do it often, but still it was a fun trip and we're glad we went.
David was showered with toys and attention and got to spend time playing with his cousin Alexandra who is only a few weeks younger than he is. Both are only children who haven't had much experience with sharing toys so there was a fair amount of of grabbing with ensuing tantrums, but even so they were cute to watch. For Christmas I got a new flash attachment for my camera which I love. Now I can bounce light off ceilings to get crisp, perfectly exposed shots without the harsh effects associated with direct flash. Here's some pictures of the trip (many were taken with my new toy!).

David's Birth Story

Warning! The following post contains a birth story so if you are the type that is easily bored or nauseated by such things you will want to stop reading now.

Before David was born I assumed that shortly afterward I would get online and post about the birth so that we could have a record of it and that anyone interested could read the details. Considering though that the first week of his life I spent writhing in pain because of a nasty spinal headache and the many, many weeks following filled with sleep deprivation I somehow never managed to get around to it. So I decided that instead I would feature this post around David's first birthday. Once again I'm behind schedule but I figure I better do it anyway before the details get fuzzy and I forget them.

Last year on December 9th it was a ridiculously freezing morning when I woke Derek up probably 2 full hours earlier than necessary so that we could get ready for my 7 am scheduled induction. Considering that we'd packed everything into the car the night before though and were planning on grabbing breakfast on the way it only took us a few minutes to get ready so we were free to spend the rest of the time nervously pacing around and getting in each other's way. We stopped by McDonalds on the way and I ordered 2 breakfasts figuring that since it was going to be my last meal for a long time I'd better make the most of it. Of course it's not physically possible to cram 2 meals into a stomach compressed by a nine plus pound baby so Derek wound up with 2 breakfasts instead.

After I was admitted the doctor came to break my water and I was hooked up to some pitocin. The next 8 hours weren't a whole lot of fun. Derek was troubled by the fact that the TV remote was attached to my bed so he had to watch shows like What Not To Wear and even had to go with no TV for a couple hours when the pain was pretty intense and I just wanted things dark and quiet. I was more bothered by the contractions getting stronger and more frequent not to mention (TMI warning!) a fresh wave of amniotic fluid gushing into my bed every time I moved.

Labor wasn't pleasant for me, but it also wasn't as bad as I was anticipating based on some horror stories that I've heard. The epidural was awful though. It took nearly a full HOUR of prodding around with a huge needle which sent pain surging down either leg as it scraped the nerves of my cauda equina. The anatomical term cauda equina not only makes me sound immensely intelligent, but is also significant because it is where the spinal cord branches off into several stringy nerves. Fortunately for me epidurals are placed at this level of the spine or I would undoubtedly be paralyzed from having my spinal cord pierced so many times by that needle. I digress though. The true moral of this substory is that when an anesthesia student wants to practice his budding skills on you the answer is HELL NO!

I seem to have inherited an unfortunate combination of a small pelvic opening with a propensity for large babies so even with having my water broken and the pitocin turned all the way up labor wasn't really progressing and after eight plus hours David was showing minor distress. My doctor gave me the option of waiting it out longer, but there didn't seem to be much point so we opted for a C-section. As I was being wheeled out my mom tried to ease my nerves by reassuring me that she had experienced this 3 times and lived to tell the tale. Of course with Michelle the anesthesia didn't take and she felt each and every cut, but the point is that she survived. Thanks Mom.

"Feel free to give me lots and lots of medicine," I begged the anesthesiologist while everyone prepped for the surgery. When my doctor announced she was ready to start I wanted to leap off the table because I was definitely not numb. I could totally feel the nurse spreading the drapes over me and swabbing my abdomen with the betadine. They explained that I would still feel pressure but not pain and started to cut. The nurse invited Derek to stand closer so he could watch and he almost passed out on the spot before he regained his composure and explained that for my sake he needed to stay where he could comfort me.

While it's true I didn't exactly feel pain, the words 'pressure' or 'discomfort' don't even begin to describe the unpleasantness of being fully conscious while someone rearranges your innards. Soon the head was out and Derek was even convinced to go watch while they finished pulling David out. I couldn't see anything but the next thing I heard a baby screaming and one of the doctors exclaiming, "He's practically a toddler! I hope you didn't buy any newborn sized clothes." I glimpsed him briefly as a nurse held him up for me as they whisked him away to the nursery but I had to crane my neck to see him from the corner of my eye and my mind was so fuzzy from the drugs that I don't really remember anything about it.

By the time I got to recovery everyone but me had already seen David and I wanted him brought out to me but I was shaking so badly I wasn't sure if I'd be able to hold him. I also discovered that Derek had already announced to everyone that the baby was named David even though he was the one that had been adamant about not deciding on a name until we had seen him first. Since we really didn't have any other names in the running it wasn't really an issue, but I gave him a hard time afterward about not consulting me.
I would have much preferred to hold David for the first time without being attached to a million different monitors but I managed to hold him and even nurse him for a few minutes while I was still in recovery. As cheesy as it sounds as soon as I held him the shaking stopped and the pain was immediately much, much less. He was wide awake and I think I was just so amazed to finally be meeting this little newborn person that even pain couldn't distract me. It's hard to believe that it's already been a year since then and David gets more fun and lovable all the time. We are so blessed to have such a healthy and sweet little boy.

Happy Birthday David!

I suppose that since David's birthday was a little over a week ago it's high time I got around to posting about the event. Take your pick from the following excuses for the delay: 1) Our laptop broke and we had to send it in to get fixed 2) I've been focused on getting ready for Christmas or 3) If David ever sees me at the computer he tries to run over and pound on all the keys.Anyway we had a pretty relaxed celebration. My family came over and we enjoyed pizzas with cake and ice cream. David wasn't really sure what to do with his cake when we gave it to him. He only ate a little of it and had a lot more fun smearing the icing and flinging crumbs everywhere. The gifts were all a major hit although he's pretty easily overwhelmed if he opens more than 1 at a time. His favorite toys all came from his grandparents. He loves the play kitchen Derek's mom gave him and it's always the first thing he races to when he's in his playroom. Then if we get out the little builder set from Pop Pop he'll spend upward of an hour stacking and unstacking the blocks, picking out all the yellow pieces (his favorite color), and "driving" the truck down the ramp. Last but not least there's the rocking horse from my parents whose batteries are already worn out because David thinks it's hilarious to press the horse's ear to make it sing so he can giggle and dance along.In any case we really have loved getting to know this little guy over the past year and can't believe how lucky we are to have him as part of our family. I also can't believe how much he's learned and grown from that tiny newborn we met last year. He's walking now although he'll still crawl when he wants to move quickly and he's said a few words although they have been mostly mimicing others.
His personality is also starting to come through loud and clear. He can be fiercely independent at times. When he was learning to walk he would throw tantrums if we tried to hold his hands to help him. He really wouldn't hold onto other objects for support much either but preferred to stand in the middle of the room and try to will his legs to work. Oddly enough he actually learned to leap before he could walk because he would literally try to jump to where he was trying to go when his legs wouldn't move fast enough. As mentioned earlier he also has developed a clear preference for the color yellow as well. When presented with a variety of toys David will inevitably pick out the yellow ones to play with first. He'll also try to hoard his yellow toys and frequently walks and crawls around with one clutched in each hand as shown above.P.S. I know the photos I've posted aren't the greatest, but I figure they're better than no birthday pictures at all. If I'm lucky I might get something for Christmas that should help get better indoor shots...

Mmm. Pass the Baby Food!

Spices, herbs, and seasonings are my friends. I hate bland foods and love to try exotic new flavors. Knowing that babies supposedly like bland foods I used to make David special baby food sans seasoning, but he turned his nose up at all of it. Then I discovered he actually likes his food to taste good (amazing, huh). Strained carrots or peas? No way! But panang curry, black bean enchiladas, or chicken tikka masala and he's begging for more. A pretty good rule of thumb is that if it sounds like something I would like then David probably will too.

Yeah, I know that soon his tastebuds will probably change and he'll start demanding the disgusting foods that all kids seem to love so much like fish sticks and fries. For now though he's loving the pitas slathered with forty spice humus and olive tapenade or some lemon pesto ravioli and so am I!